Managing Our Conflicts Before a Watching World

February, 19 2008 by Valerie Hichez.

Alas, our long weekend together is over. None of us were certain about what to expect, yet the whole experience was enlightening. Last Friday, February 15^th, through Sunday evening, February 17^th, the Peace & Justice Committee of the Hollywood Seventh-day Adventist Church hosted the workshop, “Managing Our Conflicts Before a Watching World,” taught by The Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution from Pepperdine University School of Law. Tim Pownall, the Associate Director of The Straus Institute, taught the workshop. Mr. Pownall is an alumnus of Pepperdine, and has traveled the world, mediating high-level disputes and facilitating negotiations in very challenging circumstances.

About twenty-two people attended the workshop, including Church members and non-Church members. Mr. Pownall taught us some valuable tools, beginning with recognizing how we initially approach conflict. Once we understood our own tendencies in the face of conflict, we were then challenged to think outside of that box and how we might develop ourselves to think in a way that is more skillful in conflict resolution. We all gained varying insights to our strengths and weaknesses. Mr. Pownall taught us the importance of cooperation in negotiation; he emphasized the need to be aware of our concentration on the ‘self’—winning as much as ‘I’ can in life, or doing the best for ‘me.’ He noted, however, that this competitive nature is sometimes vital to one’s own well-being and survival in the world and healthy negotiation. Whether a competitive or more cooperative tactic is needed in a given situation, depends on the very nature of a situation. Always playing a comptetitive card can ultimately be destructive to oneself and society, for it primarily concentrates on the preservation of self over greater society. And if we solely preserve our own welfare, where does that leave the rest of the society—how does that affect ‘community,’ and even more so, how can that ultimately destroy ‘community?’ On the flip side, always playing the cooperative card can be equally as detrimental, for it leaves little, if no, room for negotiation, and can enable the other side to take advantage of a situation, and perhaps not allow for the best possible outcome. The reality is, many negotiations call for a balance of both the competitive and cooperative cards. And this is also where love comes into the picture. I think all people, no matter if they are faith-based or not, are called into a necessary relationship with one another, that should be based on mutual respect and love for their neighbor. If we can always remember this, then no matter what conflict scenarios we find ourselves in, we have a powerful empathetic perspective that can only help us to understand the other’s perspective. But this does not mean we must become subservient or passive. Mr. Pownall impressed upon us that it is necessary to be wise and sharply discerning in the face of conflict, and sometimes this is challening for those who always want to cooperate. The whole process of resolving conflict and engaging in fruitful negotiation, in general, involves a delicate balance of respect coupled with informed awareness to make an educated and just decision, holding everything in solution. So, to be ultimately effective, we must be able to be both competitive and/or cooperative when the situation calls for it. This is not easy, of course, but can be learned over time. And what better way to keep perfecting oneself than to keep learning by way of approaching conflict with an aim to learn, not to run away, not to give in to every demand, nor to take up an automatically defensive stance.

If humanity is to successfully progress, we must constantly evaluate our decisions and actions in life, continuously noting our motivations for our actions, and whether or not our decisions are going to help or hurt the greater majority of those with whom we share community. This is very important, because even though we think we may be ‘getting ahead’ in life by making a decision that is better for ourselves in the immediate future, ultimately we may be increasing the divide between ourselves and the ‘other’—our world neighbors and those we are called into some type of relationship with on a daily basis.

The workshop included simulation exercises, as different conflict scenarios were presented to us. The conflict-resolution skills that we learned are applicable to a variety of situations in life. While it was a crash course for many of us who attended the workshop, I believe that we all came away with some very valuable information. I look forward to my next negotiation to use these newly acquired skills! I have realized that every opportunity I am presented with in life that involves conflict is an opportunity to push myself into a slightly uncomfortable position, but with the end goal of building a bridge over the divide that can separate myself from others. Thank you to all who attended and stay posted for more upcoming Peace & Justice Committee events!–Valerie Hichez, Peace & Justice Committee

Photos by Leslie Foster

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